Two Steps Forward One Step Back

So it's been a couple of weeks since I last wrote a blog. I've been waiting for the right moment. Truth is that there is no right moment, and perhaps the wrong moment is the best time. It makes you face up to things. I wanted nothing more than to write this blog entry saying how fantastic I've been doing, but that has not happened for me. The past two weeks have been so up and down. There have been too many bad days. After my last blog and last weigh in I felt in such a good place, I had picked myself up, lost 8lb in two weeks and I was motivated. It was a happy feeling that I was back on track. My husband was sticking by me when it came to meal times and that made life so much easier, there was less temptation. Less opportunity. I ate the best I had eaten in a long time, I kept it together for 5 days, 5 great days, I was proud of myself. I hadn't eaten anything that I shouldn't have, it was a great feeling. Then it was like I hit a brick wall. It was Easter Sunday. I have two young boys, who were showered with chocolates from our lovely family. Then it began. My boys were eating their chocolates and it was hard. I kept trying to ignore it. I kept fighting the urge to have some. The problem is that it made me want it more. I have always said that you should always have a little of what you like so you don't crave it and in my case then proceed to stuff for your face because you didn't have any and now want it more than ever. Maybe that's just me. But I wanted so badly to have a perfect week that I tried so hard to tell myself you don't need to eat that chocolate. It backfired on me, my urge to just have a night of nice food won. I was so disappointed in myself and down that it carried on for another few days. I don't know what's wrong with me. I make the same mistakes constantly and I never seem to learn. I give in to my urges too easily. I really honestly hand on heart want to lose weight, but it's like at times that I have no willpower and then I beat myself up over it which makes it even worse. I avoided going to my weigh in again last week. I knew that I had had a bad few days and didn't want to face up to it. Such a bad mistake. In my head it made me think, oh you can have another bad day if you're not going to get weighed. And that bad day turned into another bad day until the point I was running out of days to get myself back on track. I even considered stopping weighing in but I quickly sorted my head out because without weigh ins I knew there was only one outcome and that is weight gain. I don't want to put on weight. So after a somewhat bad time I had some better times and started to get back on track. I've not been perfect but I'm in a better place than I was last week. My husband says I am too hard on myself and that I am only human, maybe deep down I know he's right, but when you really want something and you mess it up, it's a gutting feeling. I have to learn to let go of my mistakes. I say this all the time, but it's hard. I feel like I go two steps forward and one back. I guess the positive thing I can take out of this is that at least I am moving forward. So tonight I will once more pick myself up and get on them scales and hope that my really good days have helped the bad. I will keep going, keep picking myself back up until I get where I want to be x NE x