Two Steps Forward One Step Back

So it's been a couple of weeks since I last wrote a blog. I've been waiting for the right moment. Truth is that there is no right moment, and perhaps the wrong moment is the best time. It makes you face up to things. I wanted nothing more than to write this blog entry saying how fantastic I've been doing, but that has not happened for me. The past two weeks have been so up and down. There have been too many bad days. After my last blog and last weigh in I felt in such a good place, I had picked myself up, lost 8lb in two weeks and I was motivated. It was a happy feeling that I was back on track. My husband was sticking by me when it came to meal times and that made life so much easier, there was less temptation. Less opportunity. I ate the best I had eaten in a long time, I kept it together for 5 days, 5 great days, I was proud of myself. I hadn't eaten anything that I shouldn't have, it was a great feeling. Then it was like I hit a brick wall. It was Easter Sunday. I have two young boys, who were showered with chocolates from our lovely family. Then it began. My boys were eating their chocolates and it was hard. I kept trying to ignore it. I kept fighting the urge to have some. The problem is that it made me want it more. I have always said that you should always have a little of what you like so you don't crave it and in my case then proceed to stuff for your face because you didn't have any and now want it more than ever. Maybe that's just me. But I wanted so badly to have a perfect week that I tried so hard to tell myself you don't need to eat that chocolate. It backfired on me, my urge to just have a night of nice food won. I was so disappointed in myself and down that it carried on for another few days. I don't know what's wrong with me. I make the same mistakes constantly and I never seem to learn. I give in to my urges too easily. I really honestly hand on heart want to lose weight, but it's like at times that I have no willpower and then I beat myself up over it which makes it even worse. I avoided going to my weigh in again last week. I knew that I had had a bad few days and didn't want to face up to it. Such a bad mistake. In my head it made me think, oh you can have another bad day if you're not going to get weighed. And that bad day turned into another bad day until the point I was running out of days to get myself back on track. I even considered stopping weighing in but I quickly sorted my head out because without weigh ins I knew there was only one outcome and that is weight gain. I don't want to put on weight. So after a somewhat bad time I had some better times and started to get back on track. I've not been perfect but I'm in a better place than I was last week. My husband says I am too hard on myself and that I am only human, maybe deep down I know he's right, but when you really want something and you mess it up, it's a gutting feeling. I have to learn to let go of my mistakes. I say this all the time, but it's hard. I feel like I go two steps forward and one back. I guess the positive thing I can take out of this is that at least I am moving forward. So tonight I will once more pick myself up and get on them scales and hope that my really good days have helped the bad. I will keep going, keep picking myself back up until I get where I want to be x NE x

Be Positive!

The last 10 days have been up and down for me, but generally very positive. At last week's weigh in, my first since pulling myself through some difficult weeks, I lost 5lbs and I was so happy. I drove home from my weigh in with the biggest smile on my face. I did it. I got back in the right headspace tracked my food and the results shown. Part of any journey in life means overcoming obstacles. It's not easy. It's hard but I got back to where I wanted and needed to be. If you're struggling with something surround yourself full of lovely people, be open and honest and believe in yourself. You will be surprised how your attitude changes. You can do anything you want to if you just put your mind to it. Be positive. You CAN do it. Changing something isn't always easy, sometimes it takes a lot of hard work, but I promise you it's worth it. I also learnt last week the importance of not judging yourself against others. I sometimes have people telling me and boasting how much weight they've lost and last week it really upset me. But I reminded myself, this is my journey and my journey alone. Noone can ever know exactly how you feel, how much you struggle and it is then I realised the truth in that you will never know what it is like to walk in someone else's footsteps. We may all have a collective goal, such as weight loss, we may all relate to issues that others have but we have to remind ourselves that we are all individuals and we don't go through exactly the same things. Don't get me wrong it's great to support each other, but it really upset me when people told me Ive lost more weight than you. People should encourage others, be positive with people, be supportive not brag. I have no doubt that these people struggle just as I do, weight loss is a constant battle but sometimes people need to be aware of how what they can say can upset others. I know that was not the true intention of the people, they were proud of what they achieved and I was the bigger person and said congratulations but I felt put down. There's ways of saying things and sometimes it doesn't come across as well as it should do. I am the first person to congratulate someone on what they have achieved but saying they beat me, I didn't like. It's not that I don't like losing, I just dont see this as a competition. This is my life, this is serious for me. I'm trying to change my life for the better and it is hard. This is my personal challenge and I am doing the best I can. So this knocked me a little. And I also had a day when I just wanted to cry. All the junk food in the world seemed overwhelmingly appealing and I just wanted it all. How did I overcome that? By being strong. It wasn't easy. I had to tell myself over and over I don't need to eat that, I can do this. I didn't give in. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves why we are doing what we are doing. Remind ourselves of our goals. You can achieve anything if you want it enough. I picture myself of how I want to look at the end of all this. I also have some inspirational quotes stuck on my fridge for when I need that little boost. I have my husband by my side who I can confide in when things are getting too much. It's important to have these little things in place. Little nets that keep us on the right track. Find what works for you. I also hate seeing that picture of myself at my biggest, that's another motivating factor. Putting things like this in place helps us to achieve great thing.  There will be difficult times and you need to find what helps you the best to overcome the hurdles. So that brings me up to yesterday, my second weigh in since getting back on the right track. I woke up in the morning feeling so happy and positive. I had had a good week and knew I had done well and was looking forward to my weigh in. This wasn't normal, I'm usually very nervous and this shows how far I've come. So last night I lost another 3lbs and I come down my 3rd stone bracket. I have lost 38.5lbs in total and I honestly can't believe what I have lost. I started my journey at a massive 19 stone 8 and I now weight 16 stone 11.5. I haven't been in the 16 bracket for roughly 3 years and it feels amazing. I know I have a long way to go and I know that this is one of the hardest things I have ever done but I believe in myself. Whatever life challenges you face, what ever brick walls you come against believe in yourself, you can achieve great things x NE x